Depression.. A state of mind?

My head weighs more than it should, body temperature seem abnormally high, if I were to check my blood pressure, I will only be confirming the obvious.The feeling in my heart is heavy, I'm walking like someone who just heard the most terrible news, or should I say, I can almost feel what Jesus went through on the way to Calvary...some deep stuff I'm laying on you eh?


 I have seen it all..well almost in the small time I have spent,
Friends turn frenemies, Boyfriends turn haters, and all other things we should all experience for the sake of experience.
However, this feels worse, this is slowly eating me up, I sometimes fear for my sanity, the feeling is creeping slowly. I thought I could fight it, I thought I would win the battle of wills, my will is spent, my energy is zapping. My strength is failing, the most I can muster is the anguish I feel from the loss.
My world is spinning out of control, from my grasp, like an out -of -body experience, I'm looking down at my horrible state .
Isn't it my prerogative to make myself happy, if happiness is a state of the mind, what then is depression.
This feel realer than real, this sickness has become me, my former self, now a shadow I chase, where is redemption?

If depression is a state of mind, my mind is the capital of depression. My jolly good demeanor is a facade, put on to fool everyone except myself

P.s, this is uncut, raw and unedited.